Queer Sex...Now!
April 27, 2007
On Wednesday, April 11 in Eaton Hall, “sexpert” Tristan Taormino gave a lecture about current trends in queer relationships entitled “Queer Sex Now.” The immediacy that the title of the lecture implies is a bit odd, as though the adverb “now” adds some much-needed spice to the hackneyed phrase “queer sex.” In fact, attendance would probably have been more robust had the LGBT Center simply mentioned that Ms. Taormino is a beautiful lesbian whose books include True Lust: Adventures in Sex, Porn, and Perversion, Down and Dirty Sex Secrets, and The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. On top of that—no pun intended—Ms. Taormino is an editor for Best Lesbian Erotica, an annual anthology published by Cleis Press. Alas, I am not the LGBT Center’s PR man, so the center advertised Ms. Taormino in a far more conservative, almost Puritanical form: “Tristan Taormino will discuss current erotic trends, including the explosion of queer porn, the development of public sex spaces, and the growing exploration of alternatives to monogamy.”
One of the most interesting features of Ms. Taormino’s lecture was that it did not focus on queer identity, or how homosexuals, bisexuals, or transgender folk can feel “accepted.” Her lecture transcended those unquestionable rights by focusing on queer relationships—suggesting that being queer is of course OK; so now let’s talk about how to be queer. Looking at queer relationships and sex in this way tacitly seeks, perhaps, to legitimize homosexuality by default. Is it fair to say Taormino’s lecture skirted debates about whether “gay is OK”? Sure. But is this a debate that we should really waste our time with?
It would be fantastic if we could answer this question with a resounding “No.” But let’s take a look at some of the other upcoming events that were also sponsored by the LGBT Center. Five days after Ms. Taormino’s lecture is the “Queer-Straight Alliance’s” weekly meeting, two days after that is the “Break the Silence Ceremony,” advertised as a response to “anti-LGBT bullying, harassment, and discrimination in schools,” and a day after that is the “Pride on the Hill Spring Social.” Of course these events have no analogue in the heterosexual community. It’s obvious that gay acceptance is still something that needs to be fought for, not just exercised. But this is what I meant when I said lectures like Taormino’s present a fascinating new dynamic to queer identity: homosexuals can not just feel that gay is “OK,” they can move on and try to make being gay, dare I say it, happy.
And as advertised, Ms. Taormino certainly delivered the goods. In particular, she discussed how gay porn has sprung up around the country in popularity—again, no pun intended. In the past, “gay porn” meant porn with two or more men having, well, gay sex. And these movies were titled and advertised for just one purpose—to please gay men. “Lesbian porn,” on the other hand, still definitely meant porn with two or more women having, well, lesbian sex, but these titles were almost invariably advertised as “for men.” Ms. Taormino highlighted how lesbian porn is now part of the lesbian community itself (It should be noted that Ms. Taormino has her own adult video production company, “Smart Ass Productions”—and here, I’m quite sure, the pun was intended). So in this sense, part of Ms. Taormino’s lecture was a bit like listening to a priest talk about how popular gold crucifixes had become; and then you find out that the priest actually sells gold crucifixes.
Another issue that Ms. Taormino discussed was monogamy in queer relationships. She is writing a book on this topic, and she seems to rather clearly endorse the benefits of not being “tied down.” Again, this is a bit of a chicken-and-egg argument. Did Ms. Taormino find lesbian porn empowering, then decide to produce some herself; or did she produce some, and then inform people about how empowering it is? Did Ms. Taormino love open relationships and then write a book about them; or did she write a book about them and then go around lecturing about how great they are? It’s hard to entirely remove some elements of Ms. Taormino’s lecture from the rather significant pecuniary benefits her implications will have for her. Nonetheless, she was a witty, smart, powerful, informative speaker, and her intelligence and humor made the issues and sub-issues resonate with clarity and conviction. Will lectures like this supplant lectures about gay rights? Perhaps we shouldn’t hope that they do, but make it so LGBT lectures of the gay rights variety seem outdated and just plain unnecessary.