Find Your Spring Fling: Dating Advice You Need to Know
April 1, 2008
It’s springtime and love is in the air. That awkward, windy, half-drizzling, annoyingly cloudy kind of weather makes you, the birds, and the bees realize that it’s time to find someone to fling with this spring. You find yourself reading poetry whether you’re between Friday morning classes or when you’re hungover from a night out and have been eating cold pizza all morning. It’s all part of getting in the mood, because it just so happens to be that time of year again…
You know what you want. You’ve considered it; you’ve thought about it. Now you have to act.
Guys, once you’ve set your eyes on the potential target, play it smooth. Burp that alphabet: your crush will love it when you show your skill after eating those onion rings you like so much — sexy. And if you can dance, shake it to Britney’s “Break the Ice” and chant those lyrics loud and proud: “You ain’t gotta be scared/We’re grown now/I’m a hit defrost on ya.”
Ladies, make sure to work it for a few weeks before you do anything drastic. Stalk your potential man on Facebook more than you do usually. Don’t be afraid to over-perfume. The asthmatic sitting next to you during your two-hour lecture class (that your future date rarely shows up to) will greatly appreciate it. Be provocative. Wear sequins. Spend some extra time at the tanning salon — orange is the new pale.
For both guys and girls, after your flirting tactics prove successful and you set a time for the big date, start getting ready for what may turn out to be the best day of your life.
Girls, wear that over-the-top evening dress that’s been sitting in your closet since your senior prom. Wear those five-inch heels that you’ve been meaning to break in. Don’t worry, you probably won’t twist your ankle like you did the last time you wore them.
Guys, today is the day to wear those jeans cutoffs you found one day in the laundry room. Go all out McLovin’ style and wear a vest. Aladdin is sexy, and you will be too if you can rock the leather vest look. Dazzle your date with your remarkable taste in unique shoelaces and other brightly colored accessories.
For the actual date, let your guy or girl choose a T stop to get out where you’ve never been before. And if people are looking at you strangely, laugh it off — it’s spring, you are ready for some action, and they clearly don’t know fashion. You might get off at Broadway and get a nice view of the rarely seen industrial part of Boston filled with warehouses, gas stations, and dumpsters. You might even get really lucky and end up on that final T stop on the blue line that nobody has ever gone to: “Wonderland.” Aren’t you curious to find out what magical place that might be? You should definitely check it out together. Be mindful of the time, though, once you’re there; the last T back is at midnight, so unless you’re spending the night with Cinderella, you’ll have to pay that 40 dollar cab fare.
Once you make it back at a reasonable hour, you may realize that your fly has been unzipped or that your bra has been hanging out of your shirt. If anything, it’s endearing. Who says tighty whiteys aren’t in this season?
Once you’re back at your place, mix your date a drink. Something special. Maybe some of that mystery juice left over from the party in your dorm last night or some of the remnants of the beer pong game.
Now we all know how things go next. We survey the date’s room. We wonder…where is that smell coming from? Don’t worry, it’s never you. Check out the posters on the wall while you’re surveying the room — they could be quite telling. You may be looking at a serious romance in the near future; how do you really feel about My Chemical Romance? Poogles? A life-size picture of the ex hanging on the ceiling above the bed?
You’ve taken it this far; are you going to seal the deal?
A short note to the wise: always remember to have a back-up plan. If things don’t work out, there’s always an option B, or someone who might be willing to be your option B. Happy hunting!