Undergraduate, Under the Influence, and Proud of It
April 1, 2007
I am drunk. For the first time in my life I uncokred a bottle of sweet vermouth and took a big gulp and then some of my freinds gave me something that looked like a neon light and smeled like sweetened urine and that was pretty good too.
Some of you might be sruprised by this if you remebmer my coulmn last year, “Over and Under graduates the Influence,” or whtever the Hell it was called. There i said I would never drink because Tufts students are way too craaaazy on saturday nights but guess what folks I changed my mind. That’s right. I’m rip-roaring drunk off my ass drunk and it feels pretty good.
But now my favorite question: Why? why did I choose break my seal of ssober celibacy? Well, my friends, I will tell you. Finally, bAcow told us that it was okay to drink.
Did you hear that?
PRESIDENT BACOW WANTS US ALL TO GET DRUNK!!
That’s all I needed. Just a little nduge from the old admin, just a little reassruance that drinking wasn’t too rebelllious, and here I am. Now that alochol is no longer tabbbooo and el presidente is cool with the whole Beer and Liquor scene fill ‘er up Johnny! I just can’t get enough.
How do I know that Bacow doesn’t care about us thrwoing back drinks? Because he let us buy beer in Hotung! Yahooooo!
BACOW HAS BRUOGHT THE SOCIAL LIFE BACK TO T-U-F-T-S.
That’s right, the social life is back. The administerators in Ballyhoo Hall has rolled up thier sleeves and given the students what they really want. Clearly alochol isn’t that bad of a thing if they let students buy it—with points no less—in the capmus center and I can’t wait cuz I’ll have a Sammy Summer in line at the Rez and no one will be able to stop me. Bacow says it’s OK!
The idea is that alocohol will make the campus center a real draw for Seniors, part of the new senior corridor on Talbot—Sophia Gordon next to Stratton and stratton next to BEER! Alcohcol is now central to senior social life on campus and I love it!
because you can’t have fun w/o drinking BEER, i cant wait to see what all kinds of new funn things we jumbos find to do on the weekends again. maybe we can go streeking in the presidents lawn, or maybe we can paint the Jumbo statue in psykedellic colours. and bacow can’t say boo about it. he said it was OK to drink.
Now stewdents don’t have to go off campus to get a drunk, they can stay right here! But the best thing about this is that the admin is finllay listning to what the stuudents want. WE want to get DRUNK, and they acsept that now!
But it’s meaningful for non-seniors too. It’s our new excuse to get plastered on a Friday night. Next time TuPd rolls up on your beyroot game just keep playing. Hey the administratation obviously likes beer so why does that have to stop at hotung? Just say, Lissen up nark go knock on Gifford house and ask for the President and ask him what he tinks about BEER! Itll be awsomeee!! Maybe I was wrong—maybe Beer and social life do go hand—in-hand.
And where will this go from hear? Oh man this is great. We’re looking 4 a new greek life driector, right? Maybe bacow will realize what we want in him too!maybe the new greek director will condoan BEER at pledging parties or maybe he’ll even let DTD back iN! man, the possbililities are endless. Beer in hotung has convinced bacow and SNYDER that alcohol ain’t that bad for undergrads—maybe tufts will be a parrty school yet!
you might think this is a teeny weeny bit hippocritical 4 me to right this. but not to worry, i still think premarital sex is a deadly sin.
Enough of that. Its a friday night and now that I’m drunk i’m gonna do more than write Observer essays in my room. Sooooo, Lift Your Glasses To Bacow!!
What was i missing?
Mike Snyder is a sixth year senior who has not yet declared a major.